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Blaming Others? Or Taking Responsibility!

December 18, 2008

This is another meeting topic:

topic~~Unsafe people blame others (other people, their past, God, sin) instead of taking responsibility.  what makes a person who blames others unsafe?  do you blame others? if so, why? if not, what have you learned about taking responsibility for yourself and your actions?

What I shared in that meeting is the basis for this post.

I find the topic of blaming others interesting because, typically, I would take the blame rather than place it. I figured everything was my fault. Somehow I deserved it…or caused it. I had to learn how to put blame where it belonged. I know that things are never truly all one sided. There is always responsibility to share. So I had to learn what was truly mine to own…and what was not.

I also understand that there are mitigating circumstances for some of the things I have done in my life. That is not an excuse. It simply makes it more understandable. I still have to own that I made choices that were not good ones. Yes, there were reasons for some of those choices, and there were times when I truly did not believe that I had options. Yet, those choices were still not good…and I own that. I don’t beat myself up over it. I simply accept it for what it is.

One of my heart prayers has been to see things the way God does. The good. The bad. What I do right…as well as what I do wrong.

One thing I really liked about my first sponsor is that she used an EA perspective on the 4th step. She said that an inventory is about all of me…not just the negative, but the positive, too. That was really helpful to me…to see that I had assets, too, not just liabilities.

The idea of blaming something, or someone, outside of myself has always been a mystery to me. Unless someone holds a gun to my head, I am not forced. I mean that figuratively as well as literally. If I am truly forced…and there have been situations where I was…I am not to blame. Otherwise, the choice is mine and I am responsible. Although, I could see where a person could possibly be to blame for getting themselves into that situation in the first place…a situation of truly having no choice.

I see levels of responsibility…and it all points back to my own heart. God does not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able and He always provides an avenue of escape. The question is…am I walking close enough to Him to see that avenue of escape or am I living for myself?

The more I heal, the more I am able to see. The closer I walk to Him and the longer I walk with Him, the more I can see and the more I am able…with His help…to make those right choices. Without Him…I am NOTHING.  I can DO NOTHING…

God does not help those who can help themselves. He helps those of us who are helpless…and in my sin…I am helpless. But it is by His grace and mercy that I can be who I am today. That I can make right choices today. That I can allow others the dignity of carrying their own shame and guilt, while accepting what is truly mine to carry without shirking.

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