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November 3, 2009


The older I get, the more I realize just how short of the mark my life really falls. I recognize how far away I am from being what I really want to be as Yahweh’s daughter. My heavenly Abba is so merciful…and I know that I have done nothing to deserve it.

The best I have to offer can in no way outweigh the worst I have given. And even if it could, it would make no difference. My Abba is perfect. The Creator of the universe is perfect. Only perfection can be in His presence. I have blown perfection so many times it is impossible for me to count. Only He really knows the number of times.

Yet…He says that He takes my blow its…my missing the mark…my sins…and removes them as far as the East is from the West. They are cast into the depths of the seas. That boggles my mind. That is mercy…incredible…undeserved…unearned…totally a gift…mercy.

Why? Only real love could do this. Only the kind of love that says “I want you with me and I will pay whatever the cost is in order to accomplish that.” All He asks is that I want to be with Him, too. I have to accept what He has done for me…accept it and then live in that acceptance…return His love. And how could I not? How could I not love someone who has such incredible love for me?

His love is not manipulative. It is not for His benefit. He does not need me. He is the three in one. He has Himself. Yet…He loves me. Mind blowing!

So…how do I return His love? By spending time with Him? Not nearly as much as I should…if I truly love Him. By reading His love letters to me? Not nearly as often as I should…if I truly love Him. By living according to His teachings…His Torah? I fall so short. By honoring Him in everything I think, do and say? If only I did!!

Every day I truly need His mercy! And every day I am blind to it in so many ways! I am thinking of myself…of what I want. I am being selfish and not paying any attention to Him…standing right there in front of me. Whether He looks like the son who needs his mom…or the husband who needs his wife…I am not seeing Him. I am not doing everything as if I am doing to/for Him.

No, I am busy thinking of myself…of my pain…of my inconvenience. Am I saying that I never think of others? That I never think of Him? Not at all!! For I do love others. I do pray for them when I think of it. I do talk to my Abba and I do read His word…but not like I could…not like you would expect of someone who supposedly loves so much. I guess…what I am trying to say…is that I do NOT love Him like I should…like He deserves.

I know that I am incapable as a human being of loving my Creator as He deserves to be loved. Yet, I believe I could love Him more. I could be more grateful. I could be more honoring. I could be more of a lot of good things. And that is where His incredible mercy comes in.

He honors His covenant with me…even when I struggle to be totally faithful to it. He loves me…even when I am so imperfect in loving Him back.

He loves me. He shows me mercy. Wow!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mary A. permalink
    November 8, 2009 1:48 pm

    You put into words what I feel and think so often too. You put it so beauitfully. Thanks!

  2. November 9, 2009 5:53 pm

    Thank you!

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