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Days Go By

June 26, 2010

The days go by and I am feeling kind of blue. I see my imperfections…and I don’t like what I see. I try to do the right and best things…and I try to be sensitive to others. However…that sure doesn’t stop me from opening mouth and inserting foot. Thing is…once those words leave the mouth…there they are…hanging in the air…almost tangible enough to be touched.

That, of course, tends to bring back all the old feelings of how I will never be good enough…never perfect enough…that I don’t deserve to have a good friend because I will never really BE a good friend.

Well…you know what? That is a bunch of lies from the past. I don’t have to be perfect and real friends don’t expect you to be. I just need to keep trying to be considerate and sensitive. I need to recognize when I have blown it…when I have said or done something that offended or hurt another. I need to apologize, do my best to make amends and then trust the hearts of others.

True friends accept you as you are…and they know they are safe with you even when you blow it.  They know you are not going to agree on everything…after all…you are unique individuals. They are willing to celebrate that differentness…not let it hang like a wall between you. Differences in thinking are part of what makes life interesting.

I like to have deep, challenging conversations with other folks…and that includes challenging to ME. Thing is…I have to watch how I come across. I am not G-d…praise Him for that! But do I sometimes come across as if I know it all…like G-d? Yeah…I hate to admit it…but I think I do.

I know that I am willing to dialog…but does the other person(s) know that? Maybe not. So much depends upon how I word things. It does not help that I tend to come across as very confident in what I believe and know…UNLESS I watch my wording. I do try…but when I get enthusiastic about something I tend to find the words just rolling out of my mouth. Oh…it’s not bad words…or unkind words necessarily, but when you put together the context, the words, the confidence and everything else that comes into play…it can sound/feel unkind.

So, yes, you guessed it…I am feeling like I put my foot in my mouth lately and it does not feel good. I am so thankful for forgiveness. I know that true friends forgive…but I still hate needing forgiveness. I guess that is pride…and pride can be a dangerous thing.

It was pride that brought about the fall of many. hasatan fell from heaven because of pride. Then he appealed to Eve’s pride to tempt her to eat something that would make her be like G-d. And ever since then humans have been trying to be like G-d…or worse…to BE god.

Some people might not like that last statement. There are some who consider themselves to be G-d loving, righteous people…humble and not wanting at all to be like G-d. But let’s take a closer look at some things that can be subtle types of pride. Now…I am not saying there aren’t other possible reasons for some of these things. (Like jealousy, for example.) I am just saying that pride can be behind them…and that it is something worth thinking about.

Have you ever felt a need to correct someone on something that really was not all that significant in the overall scheme of things?

Have you ever felt tempted to share something about someone or something simply because it showed that you were “in the know”…privy to something that person did not know? (And it was not necessary for them to know?)

Do you tend to almost always be the first person to give the correct answer instead of staying silent so that others can figure it out?

Do you find yourself struggling to cheer others on?

When you see/hear a person giving a wonderful performance…or really succeeding at something…do you find yourself thinking “I could do just as well…or better”?

When someone else has something better or nicer than yours, do you have a difficult time with truly being joyful for them?

Is it difficult for you to feel badly for someone who has something bad happen to them?

Do you tend to blame all of another person’s difficulties on that person?

Have you ever felt like you deserved something that someone else received?

Have I hit a nerve yet? At one time or another in my life, I have found myself in some of those situations and I am sure that…if I thought about it hard enough and long enough…I could come up with a lot more examples.

Eating humble pie is HARD! So is eating crow and eating your foot! But sometimes it is necessary for us to feel that pain in order to teach us something very valuable. Like…how to be more sensitive to others…and that we are not really gods, even though we might like to be deep in our hearts.

I love the L-rd. I want to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Yet, I know I fail in many ways. Am I going to feel badly about that? Well…yes…kind of. What I am going to mostly feel about it, though, is grateful…grateful for the mercy and love and kindness of G-d…grateful for Yeshua who took care of the justice part of all my wrongs…including those times of pridefulness and insensitivity. When I think of what He has done…compared to what I have done…I am awestruck…and humbled. I know I sure don’t deserve any of the many blessings He sends my way.

What about you? Is pride digging at you in some area of your life? Are you trying to be a god? Are you insensitive to others? There is an answer you know. Not that it will make you perfect…perfection only exists in one human…the G-dMan Yeshua/Jeus. Turn to Him. Ask Him for help. He is really the one One who can do it…who can help you to turn from the false confidence of your pride to the true confidence of His love for you.

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